Caring for Your Camel
by PrussianCrystal
Summary: Heero finds out what it's REALLY like to care for an infant. PG for slight cussing ^_~ which is understandable in this case..


  
AN- This isn't really about camels. Heero gets to watch Quatre's nephew while he, the others, and his sister go to a carnival. Wow. Endless entertainment here. *sweatdrop* 

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine- not even the documentary on camels. I don't know anything about camels. ^_^;; But I do know a thing or two about annoying babies. 

Caring for Your Camel 

Heero wasn't actually sure *why* he agreed to doing it. Maybe it was to keep Duo out of his hair while he typed up a mission report that was supposed to be due a couple days earlier. Maybe it was to have an excuse in case Relena called and wanted to go out for bagels. There was something up with that girl and bagels. She talked about them a lot now, like they were some sort of life line to her. Maybe she'd take up doughnuts. Probably not. She had to maintain her figure. However, that wasn't his concern right now. He had to be crazy to agree to something like what he had agreed to do, and it *wasn't* because he was simply helping Quatre out. 

He had to baby-sit Quatre's nephew. 

Now, there were a couple of reasons that Heero thought were the answers to why he would do such a task, none of which really were worth it, now that he thought about it. The whole thing started when Quatre had brought up going to a carnival that was in town. OK. Gundam Pilot: Carnival. It just wasn't a match. Heero had been the only one *not* to agree to it. Trowa was silent during most of the discussion, once in a while nodding his head in agreement to stupid ideas. Wufei was actually eager to go...which no one really asked about. They were sure it had something to do with Nataku. Anyway, Quatre had five tickets to the carnival, and he wanted to take his sister who was visiting (the only the one that ever talked to him), but she had also brought along her ten month old son, who she really didn't want to take to a carnival. You know how babies are.. 

Anyway, Quatre was so stricken about his sister not being able to go to the carnival, and since Heero didn't want to go anyway, he volunteered to watch the baby until the group got back. Did I mention that Heero must have been high on something when he made that decision? If I didn't, I'm mentioning it now. Heero, after thinking over the matter carefully, was about to change his mind when Quatre went all ecstatic. Seriously, he was jumping up and down and playing ring around the rosy with Duo because he was *so* happy. Heero had simply sat there, cursing himself inwardly at the stupid decision he had made. Quatre's sister was also ecstatic -- being Quatre's sister and all. Now, if I were her, I wouldn't feel too comfortable leaving my kid with some suicidal teenager that pilots mobile suits that can reach the top of a ninety story building. But, you know, being Quatre's sister, she did. 

So Quatre and his sister explained all of the rules of baby-sitting to Heero, who sat there and stared at them, mainly thinking about how he was going to kill his next victim. Quatre chattering started to get to him when he finally put his hand up in Quatre's face, told him to go and have a good time, and he would take care of everything. That was probably the biggest mistake Heero Yuy has ever, and will ever make. So, the group left, but only before Quatre dropped the baby in Heero's lap. 

Um, Kay, this is where the actual story starts. OK? You reading me? Allright, good. 

*** 

The pilot of Gundam 01 stared blankley down at the bundle of joy on his lap. He tilted his head to get a better look at the side ways baby. He soon discovered that the bay was *not* sideways, just laying on it's side. An important observation. His second observation was that it seemed to be some sort of small human. A very small human. His body parts seemed to be intact, much to Heero's relief. He was a bit pale, and...chubby. He had a very large round head, which didn't have much hair on it. No, not much hair at all. His eyes were big and blinking at Heero, over and over as Heero waited for something to happen. 

Nothing much happened. 

The baby squirmed a little, burped and spit up all over Heero's legs, made very strange noises with it's mouth and nose, played with his toes, then got it's fingers stuck under one of the pant legs of Heero's spandex. But that was about it. Finally it lifted it's tiny body up on all fours and crawled up the Heero's stomach, nudging it with it's head. Heero raised an eyebrow. He sighed and lifted the baby up effortlessly with one hand. He carried it over to the couch and placed it there, hoping it would fall asleep. Instead it cried..loudly. 

"Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! Wahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Ahehhhhhh!!" Heero's *other* eyebrow raised. Quatre hadn't said anything about the crying. Had he? 'Maybe I should have listened after all." Heero thought. He sighed and picked the baby up again, this time with two hands, trying to mimic how he had seen the baby's mother hold him. The baby seemed to stop crying after Heero picked him up. He snuggled closer to his chest and gripped the fabric of Heero's tank top in his tiny hand, the thumb of the other hand going straight into his mouth. Heero's eyes narrowed at the object making a nest out of his arms. No one, but no one, snuggled with Heero Yuy. Except for maybe Relena..eeerm. 

Heero decided since the baby was quiet now, he could put him down for his nap. Babies were supposed to nap a lot, right. He carefully placed the infant down on the couch again, ever so gently as to not wake the baby. Heero let out a sigh of relief when the child didn't start crying again. Heero went back to his computer, sitting quietly, well, as quietly as he normally did. His butt didn't seem to make much noise. Duo's on the other hand...well...that's another story. 

When the baby started crying about two minutes later, Heero proceeded to look up "how to care for your new infant" on the Internet. All he came up with on the search engine was a documentary on how to breed new born camels. 'Oh well, I guess this will have to do.' He downloaded the documentary and read it when it was finished. It didn't say much of anything that was helpful. 

"Camels do not need to drink for very long period of time." Well, that was good. At least Heero wouldn't have to feed the baby for a while. 

"When caring for you newborn camel, always make sure to keep it in dry, hot areas, or your animal will never get used to it's native grounds." Heero's eyebrow quirked. 'Hot, dry places?' He thought. There was really nothing Heero could do about that, since it wasn't very hot or dry outside, and he simply couldn't put the infant in the oven. No, that would be wrong. He shrugged and went back to his work on the computer, hoping the baby would stay asleep until Quatre and the others got home. 

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. The shrill sound of the infants cries soon rang in Heero's ears. Heero looked at his documentary again. 

"If your new camel seems disturbed in some way, it may be thirsty, or be in preparation for doing its business." Heero's eyes widened and he yanked his head in the direction of the baby. Well, it seemed to fine now. Just to make sure, Heero picked himself up off his chair and went to see if the infant was all right. However, once he got within two feet of the child, a displeasing aroma came lurking into his nostrils. To put it in other words, something reeked. Heero jumped back about three feet when the smell reached him, covering up his mouth and nose with the front of his tank top. He glared at the baby when it started giggling. Heero carefully backed up to his computer and picked up the documentary. 

"To clean up after your new camel, just scoop the contents in a shovel and bury it in the sand or gravel." Heero shrugged and went to get a shovel out of the shed. He came back with the largest one he could find, since the documentary had suggested that there would be a lot of waste. Keeping his shirt over his nose and mouth, Heero crept over to the infant and slowly removed its diaper. 

"Holy @#$%!" 

::Ahem:: I'm not going to give you complete details on how Heero cleaned up the mess, but I will tell you that he couldn't find any dirt or gravel anywhere, so he stuffed the dirty diaper in Duo's pile of dirty clothes in his room. Ah, how surprised Duo will be. 

Heero snickered evilly and went back to his computer, taking one last glance at the infant. He raised his eyebrow when he saw that the infant had no diaper on. 'Hmm...Quatre must have left some spare diapers *somwhere*.' Heero thought. He went in search for a diaper, only because if the infant decided to do his business on the couch, Quatre probably wouldn't be to happy. Unfortunately, all Heero could find were some old dishtowels. 'Oh well. It'll have to do.' 

After the baby was situated, Heero finally got some time to himself on the computer when the infant well asleep. 

It was just a couple more hours until the gang got back. Heero was disturbed by the swinging front door and the crunching sound as the doorknob slammed into the wall. He had already had to repair that twice. The annoying sound of Quatre and Duo's voice filled the area, and Heero tried to edit out the sounds. It wasn't working. 

"Hey Hee-buddy! You didn't kill the kid, did you?!" Heero felt Duo's strong hands gripping his shoulders harshly, and he spun his chair around the face the braided baka. 

"Of course not you baka! He *was* sleeping peacefully but you and your giddy friends probably woke him in the drastically easy process of entering a household!" Heero's face was turning several shades of red, and fast. Duo held up his arms in defeat. 

"Okaaaaaay. Geeeezzz...you don't have to *freak* *out*." Duo said, backing up towards the couch. He began to sit down but was alarmed by the shrill screaming of a baby as his ass ascended it. 

That Evening~ 

"So Heero, do you think you'd be up to baby-sitting next week? We're thinking about going to an N'Sync concert!" Quatre yelled excitedly. Heero proceeded to bang his head repeatedly into the wall. Suddenly, a call rang out through the halls. 

"Hey!! Who put shit it my clothes?" 

Owari~ 

AN-Just another peace of meaningless crap from me. ^_^;; Thought I'd take a shot at humor. Please don't hesitate to say it sucked because-it did. I guess I just don't have a knack for comedy. 


End file.
